A New Word Order

I had a major break-through the other day. Well, the breakthrough happened much more slowly; but I recognized it a few days ago. At some point in the writing process of my novel, I had to add a character into the story. I don’t remember why, and I don’t even remember if they’re still in there, or if that was one of the several forgotten ideas now left behind in my subconscious to crop up in some later novel without my realizing. But I did it wrong. I didn’t know how then, but I realize now how I did it completely wrong.

Back then, during the lazy-self period of my writing adventure, I added the character in by putting their name in some speech tags – which, as you may recognize, isn’t technically “adding them in” it’s only “substituting them in.” There are several problems with that.

First, and perhaps most obvious: it doesn’t explore the new character. It’s adding a different wardrobe to a paper doll so it’s no longer a tennis player but a doctor. Same 2D figure, same smile and hair (maybe with a hat, though), but in doctor’s clothes. And when you’re a child and you need to learn that your possibilities are nearly endless, such a characterization is fine, and even beneficial.

In a story, though, it’s death.

Second, and perhaps a little less obvious at first but blindingly so in hindsight, is the fact that dialogue should not be quite so interchangeable between characters. Oh, sure, dialogue like: “Yes,” or “I think that’s a bad idea” can sometimes be put into any character’s mouth – though we expect the latter phrase more from Hermione than Draco. But something more than a sentence or two? If it can go in any character’s mouth, then you’re characters aren’t memorable enough.

Well, it happened again in my novel “By Ways Unseen.” The character Sarah needed to make an earlier entrance. Much, much earlier. So I started adding her in, first giving her her own introductory scene like the rest of the characters (equality is a good thing); then adding in scenes as necessary to draw out her character.

But then an interesting thing happened: I took a long-ish piece of Buriengian lore from Haydren’s mouth and put it in her mouth.

And it didn’t fit.

Forgive me, but I was ecstatic as I read it thinking: “Sarah isn’t saying this! It’s totally Haydren. This sounds nothing like Sarah.”

And for a few, blissful moments I went through and re-wrote the dialogue so that it better fit an older, diplomatic Sarah than a younger, I-ate-a-textbook-and-I-liked-it Haydren.

How about you? Have you ever written, or (gasp!) read a piece of dialogue that should have come from someone else’s mouth?